There were people who posted responses saying they were glad someone had an abortion so that their tax dollars would not go towards supporting someone's mistake (I'm paraphrasing here). There were people who posted photos of Al Sharpton, labeling it an abortion that lived. I find that a bit funny even though it pisses me off.
But back to the woman who had a question about what abortion is like...I will call her K. I have no idea who/where/why K finds herself in this predicament. I wonder how old she is, and if she decides to go through with it, will someone will be there to pick her up from the clinic afterwards. I don't want her to be alone. I badly want to help this total stranger I will never meet. I badly want to help myself (are my altruism credentials nullified by this admission?) .
I hope she keeps writing to me.
She asked me if it would be better if she went to another town to have the abortion so she could leave the memory of it behind. That had never occurred to me when I was going through the decision-making process. When I think of it now, I wonder if it would matter. It stays with you now matter where you go and what you do.
If it's so awful, why should anyone do it? Again, I have no answer to that. The reasons for doing doing something become less clear once the consequences have to be dealt with. It's the same for any big decision be it leaving a job, having a baby or terminating a pregnancy, or ending a relationship.
I have to tell remind myself the reasons why I did it and why I ended my relationship afterwards because sometimes I am so sad I don't know what to do. It usually happens on weekday mornings when I hear children playing in the schoolyard next door to me. Their voices rise and fill my head with noise I can hardly bear. So I turn on the radio to drown them out. But the radio commentators -- NPR, usually -- sound hollow and somehow from another life.
It's hard to look toward the future when you struggle to make it through the mornings.
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