Saturday, May 30, 2009

Muddled Beginnings

For now, this blog will be about finding solace.  As I write this, I question my motives and methods; I question the use of the word solace and wonder how long I will be making the very-conscious effort to be okay in the world on my own. 

It will not be about finding solace through God or New Age cures. I will write about navigating the world just get to through the days and finding comfort in beautiful things that brought me, at some point, a measure of satisfaction and joy.  What are those things?  Other people, art, books, too much liquor...

I will write about my abortion, my lost love(s), my friends, how I sometimes hate everything but fear anhedonia.

I will get a little mawkish.  But I hope this blog will be funny – eventually, I'll get there. I do have a sense of humor and hope it hasn’t deserted me completely .

Will anyone want to read about one person’s honest attempt to rediscover her footing?

I write this because even though I have friends, a therapist, and knowledge that I will eventually be fine, right now, none of it is enough. 

I am completely undone.