My friend's boyfriend asked me on our way to dinner how I was doing. He was feigning ignorance, as if he doesn't already know my tales of woe. He was only being polite. You can't just go up to someone and say "I heard your life fell apart, how are you coping?"
So I played along and repeated the basics. And then I said that the funny thing about life falling apart is that you wake up one day and realize that it keeps going anyway. Made me wonder how we can know that and keep on. And I realized that my life, such as it is right now, has moved forward even though I was really just making small talk with this guy.
I think I only enjoy blogging when feeling desperate. I'm sitting here recalling nice things and don't feel like writing about them.
I will say that yesterday was the first day when I felt happy and tired (in a good way). When I got home, I was less happy. But it meant a lot to me to have a good day and made me think that I really be okay again someday. Soon I hope.
My ex has a new Facebook friend and she looks like me. Yes, I stalk him.
Dinner with my ex's friends this week - I wonder if he knows? I almost want to ask him if he is okay with that, but what would be the point? If I were him, I'd be pretty mad. But it's the friends who call me. And I don't want to disappear from ex's life. I want him to know that I am fine. Or that I am getting there.
And it does my ego a lot of good to know that even if my ex didn't value me as much as I would have liked, his friends see in me something worth keeping.
That makes me happy and feel guilty at the same time.
Check out this link -- I love the t-shirt.
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